just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
