drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
