okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
