good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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