Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
