when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
