So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
