Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize