i permit you to call me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
