my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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