If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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