i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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