My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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