If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
