I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I could fuck to npr.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
