Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
