wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
