Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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