we have pet lesbian snakes
love makes seman taste better
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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