so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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