the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
