I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
