dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
