if i can run in heels then i can drive
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
