he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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