I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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