Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
