and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
