my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
too bad you live with your parents still
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
