I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bring money and cleavage
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
