If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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