also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
