I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ugly people sure do ruin things
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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