need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
