They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
