dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
