Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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