All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
