Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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