I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
