I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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