Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My hand turned me down
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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