I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
