You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I still have a little drunk in my system
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
