whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I faked an abortion last night.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize