He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
