Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
