I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
