careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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