Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
