sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
