While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
