i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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