I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize