Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
