Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
