I will die if light touches me.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
