I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We don't watch enough power rangers
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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