Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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