he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
