i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
