my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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