ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
