I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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