she woke up with a sticky ear
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
