Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
