So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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