considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
