Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
