Pappa wants mamma naked
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize