and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
