Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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