Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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