Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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