I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
