a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
