i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
