Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
