whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize