Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
