He is like the real live version of the state fair..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
