I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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