She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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