She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
