I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
