I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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