What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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