You smell like stripper and shame
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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