Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
