im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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