5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
