I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
