I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
