So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize