ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
