so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize